Tanya Attebery
17 September 2022
Lead 103: Spiritual
Leadership
Boundaries:
Family, Work, & Worldview
“And so, we know and rely
on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God,
and God in them” (New Application Study Bible, 1 John 4:16). This scripture
encompasses the very nature of God. Our deepest need is to belong, so
relationships give us a sense of connectedness and a purpose for our soul’s
existence. Reading the book on boundaries I reflected on three aspects as I
relate to my family, my career, and how I can take my Christian worldview to
impact those who are spiritually lost.
My spiritual and
emotional radar was broken from childhood. My father abandoned me when I was
five years old. One of my stepfathers was an alcoholics and physical abuser of
my mom. As a child, my need to make a connection with my family was rejected on
multiple levels. So, into adulthood I married a very emotionally abusive man. I
spent seventeen years twisting myself to gain approval by my spouse and family.
Then a miracle happened out of my own sinful life. My son was born, and I had a
great need to give him a very different life. I learned “boundaries aren’t
inherited. They are built” (Cloud & Townsend, 64), so I began my journey to
“above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”
(Proverbs 4:23). That deep love I didn’t quit understand for my son broke what
I viewed as my family curse. In the book, the authors point out three steps
that enabled me to heal. First, is to experience God’s grace so I could resolve
all my anger issues. “A second step is to rebuild the injured parts of your
soul” (Cloud & Townsend, 116). I really had to come to terms with how my
childhood was violated and allow forgiveness to take hold over my mind, heart,
and soul. Lastly, I had to develop confidence in the biblical boundaries God
set forth for my physical and emotional safety. God built a protective cover
over me so I could rebuild my injured soul.
“Knowing the truth about
God and his property puts limits on you and shows you his boundaries” (Cloud
& Townsend, 37). My lack of boundaries moved from my family into my workplace.
I became resentful of administration when they did not recognize my effort and
extra hours I put in for free. I allowed the workplace to have a strong hold
over my emotional life. I went to work angry and left even angrier. The stress
was affecting my health as I just couldn’t let go at the end of the day. Even
my dreams were invaded by work. As a high school counselor, I thought I could
fix it all while my identity was wrecked from what I perceived as rejection and
overpowering control. Then God’s intervention demanded my attention. I was hit
by shingles that almost took my eyesight. It was grueling pain that took me away
from work, so in a way I learned that work moved on without me and survived without
me. I was struck with great sorrow and loss, but as the book points out “the
work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone” (Cloud & Townsend).
I had to learn that an essential boundary was to keep work out of my home. I
found a balance in that “our work is part of our identity in that it taps into
our particular giftedness and the exercise of those gifts in the community”
(Cloud & Townsend). I had to make the connection that work is a partnership
between me and God. After my health scare, God really dug up the roots of my
bitterness and once I allowed him to take the heaviness of my burdens, He
guided me to follow one of my favorite scriptures. “Do not conform to the
pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you
will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and
perfect will” (Romans 12:2). The authors made a great point that “your words
let people know where you stand and thus give them a sense of the ‘edges’ that
help identify you” (Cloud & Townsend, 36).
My identity in Christ is challenged
by the school system I work in daily. It is an all-consuming worldview that is very
dark, oppressive, and opposes my Christian principles and values. It is
essential to teach our youth “to have an internal sense of boundaries and to
respect the boundaries of others” (Cloud & Townsend, 193). Instead, the
result of all the chaos, fear, and lockdowns has moved our youth into being a
very lost generation. The only engagement was in a digital world for over two
years. Now instead of teaching them to reconnect with life we feed into the
fear and victim mentality. Instead of teaching students to be resilient, the education
system leaves them in their anxiety. A generation of youth that only see
themselves as a mental disability. Or the only way to gain their identity back
is to wrap themselves in the destructive behaviors of being gender-fluid so if
they change their outside gender then all the world’s problems will go away. Schools
have inserted themselves in the realm of parenting to the point that a parent
is obsolete. So, how do I as a Christian deal with a world that hates God and
is set on destroying the lives of kids, families, and society as a whole?
“Then he said to them all:
Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross
daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever
loses their life will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole
world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self?” (Luke 9: 23-25). I am reminded that I am to be salt and light
especially in the empty dark spaces of this world. Leaning into my own
boundaries has revealed to me the guilt I feel for being so passive in my role
in the school system. I had to refocus my purpose in my position where I had to
weigh what the cost is if I defy the systemic worldview standards I am required
to uphold. The risk is that I counsel a student and/or family that is reflective
of my Christian standards, so I could get written up or have a complaint filed
against me. I had to ask myself if the risk is worth the loss of a positive
evaluation? Then as the authors stated I had to count the cost but the bottom
line is “the message of the Bible is clear: know the risk and prepare” (Cloud
& Townsend, 277).
Finally, I have blurred
my identity in Christ too many times, so today I will be bold and function
within my boundaries as I follow God’s calling on my life and take up my cross
to ensure I speak truth, take responsibility for my words and actions, and like
Jesus stay tender-hearted for people. Jesus preached vehemently about not
leading people astray and causing anyone to stumble. “If anyone causes one of
these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them
to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the
depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to
stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come”
(Matthew 18: 6-7). My goal after reading through the book is that I live out
Proverbs 31: 8-9 which says “speak up for those who cannot speak for
themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly;
defend the rights of the poor and needy.”
Bibliography
Cloud, Henry, and John Sims
Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your
Life . Zondervan, 2017.
Life
Application Study Bible: NIV. Zondervan, 2019.