November 26, 2024: Posted thoughts on disorders growing old

What happens when your eating disorder grows old? Strange question to ask I know? But for all the physical flaws my disorder tried to rid, the lines on my face still came. The pounds around my midsection still expanded, and gravity seems to have won on multiple levels. I look at this generation and I wonder if one day they won’t be asking the same question. 

It wasn’t until 6th grade that the fear and anxiety about food or the consequences of eating enveloped my whole being. It was the year I discovered that my peers' opinions meant more to me than I could ever imagine. Not being able to manage the feelings associated with being made fun of/teased about my looks took its toll on my outward outlook on life. It can spiral into depression and substance abuse. It is why today I look in the mirror and see me aging right along with the disorder I still have to work on day by day. But in my story, I did find my way out of that 6th grade mindset to have a very happy successful life. It took work and perseverance which are skills I had to learn and manage to overcome the dark path of my youth.

This little background is my personal experience, but I see it every day in the youth I am talking with now. The fear and anxiety of coming out of their Covid lockdown tombs into the light of the unknowns to a world being unmasked and seen. Into the world with no coping skills like me in 6th grade. Falling into the same multifaceted self-loathing abuse traps leading to so many dark paths. A lot of failure is happening in our schools right now. A lot of escapism behaviors. Our  students have lost the traits of self-advocacy, independence, character, resolve, or the ability to overcome barriers. The amount of medications these kids are on to counter their mental health deficits has skyrocketed. It is like you are watching a head on collision with no way of stopping it, but you are there to see the devastation trying to help pick up the pieces. More or less seems like a futile effort on some days. 

We don’t apply the social, emotional, mental development strategies that build character today, but instead apply victimhood or just change your gender or just live out your meaningless pointless existence. It doesn’t enter into the true heart, mind, and soul of our youth anymore but just surface bandages with no hearing of inner wounds. Which is why I am so disillusioned by being a counselor in a school today. When I started out as an educator there were so many success stories because our approach benefitted students with “character counts.” 

“CHARACTER COUNTS! helps students develop perseverance so they can pursue their goals despite their frustrations, mistakes, setbacks, and other obstacles that make learning and other difficult tasks seem impossible. It nurtures the social and emotional development needed for learning.”

The pillars were: trustworthy, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and citizenship

This is foundational teaching, any guesses where you will find them? The Bible!

-the character of people is found in all of Paul’s letters

-Romans 5, Philippians 4, Colossians 3, Ephesians 4, corinthians 11, 2 Thessalonians 3, Titus 1, Philemon, and 1st & 2nd Timothy, 

Galatians 5: 22-23 (I did an in depth study on my site)

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is now low.”

When I heard this song “Again” by Jeremy Camp I thought of myself and all the others who struggle with self-doubt. Who makes mistakes. Who have lost their faith. Who needs restoration. Who have been wandering for far too long. Love will always be over and over again!

Here I am again

Back in the same place I’ve been

So many times

Here I am again

Losing the battle

And thinking I’ll never win this fight

I'm so ashamed, down on my knees

I know there's grace but is there grace for me?

Fall after fall, prayer after prayer

Father, will You still be there?

Here You are again

Forgiving, redeeming my heart again

Standing me up on my feet again

You show me Your mercy will never run out

Prayers for all of you this Thanksgiving as joy and loneliness stand side by side at times. 

Hillsdale College Lesson 3: Stalin, The Dictator

 Lesson 3: Stalin: the dictator

Highlights:

-he obtained unchecked power 

-socialism needs to transform human nature

-any layers of self-interest must be cleansed from human nature

-absolute brutality: the killing of women and children

Transition of power:

-Communist party needed to choose a leader after Lenin suffers a stroke in 1922 and in 1923 where he lost the power of speech

-Lenin died in 1924

-Stalin’s birth name Joseph Vissarionovich Stalin was born in Georgia so grew up around the TSARS (1878-1953)

-educated in an Orthodox seminary in Tbilisi

-Stalin was an intellectual-avid reader-he wrote poetry and had writings 

-Stalin’s pursuit of socialism and communism enabled his greatest achievements but at the cost of equally great misdeeds

-he looked to books to show how society can be transformed

-Stalin was “a Marxist fundamentalist

-He never deviated from the Marxist worldview he adopted in his youth

-Like Lenin, he regarded Marxism as a science that rested on unshakable truths. 

****He never showed any sympathy for the heterodox Bolshevik movement of “god-builders”, led by the Soviet Commissar of Enlightenment Anatoly Lunacharsky (1875-1933), which aimed to turn revolutionary socialism into a religion. For Stalin as for Lenin, Bolshevism was the practical application of science – the opposite of religion, in their view.

1917:Stalin successor of Lenin:

-Lenin set up to have Stalin to take over in 1922 as the higher powered general secretary

-Jan. 4 1923 Stalin speaks about replacing Lenin

-Stalin accumulating power under Lenin as a bureaucrat

1936-1938 The Great Purge:

-Stalin navigated a way to get rid of anyone not loyal to him 

Examples:

-Grigory Zinoviev -Russian revolutionary and Soviet politician-part of the Old Bolshevik and one of Lenin’s closest associates

-Nikolai Bukharin -Russian revolutionary, Soviet politician, and Marxist theorist-prominent Bolshevik; General Secretary of the Executive Comin tern's executive of the communist 

-Lev Kamenev-Deputy Chairman of the People’s Commission

Purpose of the Council of People’s Commission:

The Council of People's Commissars of the Soviet Union was the highest collegial body of executive and administrative authority of the Soviet Union from 1923 to 1946.The People's Commissariat was responsible for managing a specific sector of the economy or area of state 

activity. The head of a People's Commissariat was called a People's Commissar, or Narkom

1. People's Commissariat for Internal Affairs (NKVD)

• The Soviet Union's secret police and interior ministry from 1934 to 1946. The NKVD was responsible for political repression, the Great Purge, and counterintelligence. 

2. People's Commissariat for Posts and Telegraphs

• The central government body responsible for organizing and administering communication, including the postal service, from 1923 to 1932. 

3. People's Commissariat for Education

• Transformed into the Ministry of Education in 1946. Anatoly Lunacharsky was the first head of the People's Commissariat for Education. 

4. People's Commissariat for Nationalities

• Set up to prepare for the Constituent Assembly, particularly in regards to how Ukrainian autonomy could be handled. 

-Stalin has Zinoviev and Kamenev executed on August 25, 1936

-Nikolai Yezhov: Stalin’s Commissar (Soviet secret police official) purges as a fervent Stalinist and a believer in violent oppression

-all men aligned with Lenin were executed

Leon Trotsky-Stalin’s main competition

-People’ Commission for Military and Naval affairs 1918-1925

-he led the red army during the Russian Civil War was exiled to leave Russian in 1929

-he wanted the new economic policy to end 

-he tried to consolidate the NEP men on his side for control over Russia 

Who were the NEP men:

NEP( New Economic Policy) men were small-scale business people and merchants in the Soviet Union during the 1920s who took advantage of the New Economic Policy (NEP)

-NEP men played a significant role in the Soviet economy, especially in retail trade. They were important suppliers to Soviet consumers, and the government allowed their existence because of the economic benefits they provided

-NEP men were often depicted as greedy and an affront to the Communist Party's goal of building socialism. They were subjected to many taxes and restrictions, and faced a "wave of terror" in late 1923 and 1924

-Stalin took them and either executed them or imprisoned them 

-Stalin implements a full blow system of central economic planning

The 5 Year Plan:

-1928, Stalin develops and decreed 5 year plan

-mass collectivization of all agriculture

-capital from agriculture used for building heavy industry-government owned

2 things Stalin did before WWII:

1-economic plans and industrialization was meant to cement Stalin’s control and produce for war

2-collectivization

-he consolidated the regime to produce armaments even bigger than the U.S.

-he took over all the small businesses 

-forced labor and if they didn’t want to work they were executed 

-they were assigned work: where and what work to be done 

Control over every aspect of the economy:

-overall goals for the economy to achieve

-focus on industrialization and production of steel

-Institution by the name of GOSPLAN (State Planning Committee of the Soviet Union)

GOSPLAN:

-they had the responsibility to come up with a detailed plan for the production of the entire economy

-hierarchy: Stalin down to management down to the front line workers

-Plan Law: down the tier back up to the top tier to Stalin and if working Stalin would sign it into plan law and then its full implementation and stick to that plan for 5 years

-Soviet Union applied this plan for over 63 years

-starvation, famine, disease, and death of the peasants during implementation of the plan 

-oppression began during the initiation of the 5 year plan 1928-1929

-political structure of the country was established: Stalin had absolute power

-Stalin used mass terror and mass arrests

Example: The Moscow Show Trials

-Moscow show trials: part of the great purge to have people be accused and required to come and confess their betrayal but the trial was not fair to give the people representation but examples of what happens when you do not keep your mouth shut and keep in line - no dissent - made to name others as guilty of betrayal - to try to avoid torture -try to avoid their family and friends of being tortured or brought to trial

-Stalin believed he embodied the proletariat (working class regarded as collectively)

-he believed what he was doing what was best for the working classes

-Stalin was full Communist; full central planning;  full ownership of agriculture; part of the Marxist tradition

Pragmatic side to Stalin: 

-1930: he had Russian spies (espionage) toward the Western country

-He sent spies to commit industrial espionage to gain technology of: tractors, tanks, and armaments

-collectivism and industrialization combined = factories, machines, and technologies

-brutal labor caused mass human destruction

Example:

-the abuse of the farmers of Ukraine

-if peasants did not live up to the Stalin’s terms of productive worker was rounded up, put in a concentration camp, and starved to death

-hunger, despair, death in Ukraine agony was rampant

1932- 1933 Great Famine in Ukraine

-peasants were resisting Stalin coming in and taking their land

-1st group Stalin targeted: targeted for mass liquidations were called the kulaks(successful farmers)

-grain was exported at the height of the famine

Question: Soviet genocide didn’t get the same response from the West like the Holocaust?

-it had to do with the news coverage of corrective labor camps, casualties, terror of whole populations, terror through ethnic profiling: Baltic, Korean, Czech, class enemies following the Marxist theories

****Are western elites sympathetic with communism?

-Stalin believed soviet engineers were purposely sabotaging his plan

Example: Engineer trials

-Stalin killed the ones who were building and strengthening the Russian economy

-Stalin truly believed these engineers were the enemy 

-Stalin followed Lenin’s thoughts of getting rid of anyone that even looks suspicious

Stalin’s legacy of brutality:

15-20 million citizens were murdered under his reign

1941: World War II:

-Hitler invaded Austria, Czechoslovakia, then Poland(1939) on way to East Russia

-France & Britain stopped Hitler from taking over Russia so Hitler turned to the west and attacked France and Britain

WWII was Stalin’s victory: 

-1939 war is strategic where 2 capitalist countries go to war against each other to weaken both sides

-Stalin was opportunistic to set one side against each other: Germany and England 

-Hitler caught off guard with war as he didn’t expect any push back 

WWII referred to as a war of attrition:

-prolonged war during which each side seeks to gradually wear out the other by a series of small=scale actions. German and Western armies

Stalin’s true intentions:

-Soviet Union was not an ally with the U.S. but by the end of the war they too were beaten, but it was only because of the aid of U.S. that they survived

-without that aid there may not have been a post war Soviet Union

Grand Alliance:

-United States, United Kingdom, and Union of Socialist Social Republic

-U.S. Largest capitalist country,

-United Kingdom largest imperialist country

-Russia largest communist country 

***but communism stood against both capitalists and imperialists

-3 powers combined and won the war

After the War: 

-alliance broke up 

1945 Yalta conference: 

U.S., Great Britain, and Soviet Union 

The "Big Three" leaders:

 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, and Soviet Premier Joseph Stalin

Signed declaration of liberated Europe: 

-essence liberated countries could reestablish their government of their own choice-

The leaders agreed on several key points, including:

• Germany: Germany would be occupied and de-nazified, and its military industry would be abolished or confiscated 

• Poland: The Soviets would maintain hegemony in Poland and other Eastern European countries 

• United Nations: A "World Organization" would be established to ensure peace after the war 

• Japan: The war in Japan would be brought to a successful conclusion 

• Reparations: A commission would determine reparations 

• War criminals: Major war criminals would be tried before an international court 

Cold War:

-started because Stalin did not abide by the signed declaration of liberated Europe

-he never permitted to have free elections in Eastern Europe like Poland, Hungary, Romania, Bulgaria, Albania, Czech, and ultimately East Germany (Communist Imperialism

-1947-48 Eastern countries taken power

-1952-Truman sees Soviet Union reneged on their contract and were expanding their power

Winston Churchill speech: 

-international communist, Soviet Russia, called it the iron curtain

The Iron Curtain:

-was a political, military, and ideological barrier that separated Western Europe from the

Soviet Union and its Eastern European allies during the Cold War: 

Origin of the Iron Curtain:

The term was first used by Winston Churchill in a 1946 speech to describe the political and ideological divide between democratic and communist countries. The term had been used in other contexts since the 19th century, but Churchill's speech gave it its current meaning. 

• 1. Physical barriers

• The Iron Curtain was originally a symbolic boundary, but it eventually included physical barriers such as walls, fences, minefields, and watchtowers. The Berlin Wall, which divided East and West Germany, was the most well-known of these barriers. 

• 2, Isolation

• The Iron Curtain made it difficult to travel between the two sides. The Soviet Union worked to prevent Western influence from reaching its borders. 

• 3. Economic and military alliances

• Separate economic and military alliances were developed on each side of the Iron Curtain. 

• 4. End

• The Iron Curtain ended in 1989 when most communist countries in Eastern Europe abandoned single-party governments. 

Outcomes:

-Orthodox Marxism: the only viable and lasting solution to the contradictions of capitalism is for the establishment of a post-capitalist socialist economy

-communism moved through Asian nations

-Stalin wanted Soviet Union leader in the new world order 

***Stalin killed more people then were killed during the Holocaust

Hillsdale College Lesson 2: Lenin, the Revolutionary

 Lesson 2: The Revolutionary: Lenin

-before WW1-Karl Marx fading but reignited by war and the rise of Lenin

The man:

-Vladimir Ulyanov “Lenin” 1870-1924

-part of the Russian Marxist movement

-founder of the Bolshevik faction

-believed in the radical socialist ideals

-plotted how to bring socialism to Russia

-adapted Marxism for his purposes in the middle of WW1

-In November of 1917, he seized power

History: Why Marxism took took in Russia

-the key to Marxism taking root was due to the weakness of the TSAR regime of Nicholas II 

Nicholas II life: 1868-1918

-in 1894 he ruled after death of father

-TSAR of the Russian political system

-never believed he had the strength or self-confidence, so he was bullied by advisers to go to war in 1914

-Romanov dynasty: ruled until 1613

-under his reign Russia grew economically & modernize

-but his decisions led to the fall of the regime

-1904-1905 Russo-Japanese war-Russians lost

-revolution in 1905 of leftists who wanted to get rid of the TSAR 

-outcome was successful reforms through peace

TSAR’s advisor:

-Minster Pyotr Stolypin: Russian Prime Minister 1906-1911

-he warned not to go to war, but must have peace prior to 1914 

-80% or Russians were peasants

-1909 he spoke of the need for 20 years of peace

-Statesman was assassinated in 1911 which was a blow to the regime

-statesman had social reforms and economic growth to resist the silent sound of the revolution

After death of advisor of peach: No more peace

-instead his advisors badgered him into not appearing weak to the resistance to defend its honor and prestige

-Lenin would not have come to power if there weren’t such a slaughter in WWI and assistance from Germany 

-Germans took over Russia in war 

-1917 the revolution took root 1915 

-Russia people didn’t want to be in the war so not happy with TSAR

-the dissatisfaction of the elites of the TSAR

-there was mutiny among the troops against the TSAR

-February Revolution: Russia 1917 that led to the collapse of the TSAR regime 

-Russian progressives who wanted a stronger parliament 

-the topping moment was the troops rebelled against the TSAR

-Paradox: Russian mutiny

-front of the line troops and rear guard units differences and it is the rear guard that played a pivotal role in ending the TSAR regime

2 critical mistakes made by the TSAR regime:

1-going to war in the first place

2-abdicating his thrones on false premises to stop the war(TSAR penalized the troops not wanting war-fueled the revolution)

-Duke Michael is regent: Duma In Control

-1st revolution overthrew the TSAR and created a provisional government who wants to continue the war while loosening military discipline

-declared absolute freedom of expression, of political activity, and property rights

Rehabilitation of political prisoners: most radical return

-Leon Trotsky, People’s commissioner for military and naval affairs, 1918-1925

-Leo Deutsch Founding member of emancipation of labor 1883-

-Grigory Zinoview, chairman of the communist international 1919-1926

-the loosening of government regulations-political radicals

One exiled radical returned to Russia: Lenin

-Lenin had been radicalized for invoking violent revolution activity

-he seized the opportunity to return to Russia to implement the Russian revolution

-Lenin was in Switzerland learning about Marxism

-He was about to return to Russia with the help of the German regime

-Germans didn’t want the Marxist regime takeover but wanted the TSAR regime to be weakened

-German gave him funds mixed with Bolshevik propaganda so he would go back and get Russia out of the war

-Lennon had German sponsors providing him money 

-coup led him to become an exile again but not for long

-the problem was the war was draining resources and manpower

-provisional government insisted on staying in the war

-in 1917 there was a great unrest

-people hungered for peace 

-Lenin moved when the provisional government was on its last leg

-October 1917 revolution opened the door to Lenin and Bolsheviks to power

Rebellion:

-rebelled against the provisional government led by Alexander Kerensky, Minster-Chairman of the Russian Provisional Government in 1917

-used propaganda to divide and to promote the Bolsheviks to the rear areas of soldiers to get them to lose their loyalty to the regime

-they did a coup d'état: the minority party in the socialist group 

-Bolshevik's attacked  key communication center, etc….captures the news and propaganda, then they became the government

-in 1917, there was a nationwide election

- Bolshevik's got 24% of the vote so ¾ of the population voted against them

-January 1919 Liberation magazine had Lenin on the cover

-the minority that thrust itself on the majority 

- with the Bolsheviks in power;  Lenin brought his Marxist goals 

Civil war breaks out:

-challenges by outside forces and internal economic struggles

-Lenin sets up a secret police

-Lenin’s goal was to take out his political competition

-Lenin sets up concentration camps 

-Lenin wanted to kill anyone that opposed him and his power 

-Lenin made the classes enemies

-Lenin said it was good to terrorize them and a must conquer small produces

-Lenin believed revolution brings capitalism 

-he wanted to remove the proletariat: the small land and business owners

-he had no mercy and turned against them

-he defunds the war

-he prints money that led to hyperinflation

-people stopped using money

-the system had a complete breakdown of the market economy

-Lenin was happy he had blown through the stage of socialism right  into communism

-the common man was not to be able to use money; example of Marxism

-Lenin abused Ukraine farmers 

***Lenin believed that morality is whatever will make the revolution go forward, it is not immoral to kill so called innocent people

-Lenin had high hopes for communism

-his goal was to have a communist international

In 1919:

-Lenin created a group: workers of the world unite: the communist international

- there were 21 conditions of membership: 

-included doctrine, strategy, creating shadow underground governments, infiltrating the military, any communist party in the world in order to call itself the communist party in any country would have to take instructions from Moscow,

Lenin’s domestic policies at home were being challenged:

-nationalizing private property

-taking over industry

-confiscating private bank accounts

-led to mass shutting down of factories,

-mass unemployment

-rationed food

-confiscated food from the peasants

-produced famine across the country by 1920-1921

-horrific starvation 

Lenin realized not working as the country had totally collapsed:

-over a million Russians died in WWI 

-in 3-4 years after the war, 25 million Russians died

 -caused a civil war due to famine

-the peasant revolutions

-Lenin caused mass death

-Lenin dealt with people with brutality of those who led upheavals due to  impoverishment 

1920: the attacks on Russian churches has began 

-Lenin strived for social transformation

-Lenin made a speech about making  examples of who he deemed rich

1-hanging people publicly

2-publish their names

3-seize all their grain

4-single out the hostages 

***ex. Lenin’s brutality of the Kronstadt sailors

-After thousands of Kronstadt sailors backed Vladimir Lenin's Bolsheviks and helped them seize power during the 1917 revolution

One sailor recalled that "for years the happenings at home while we were at the front or at sea were concealed by the Bolshevik censorship. When we returned home, our parents asked us why we fought for the oppressors. That set us thinking."

-By 1921, four years of civil war that followed the Bolshevik Revolution, along with the ruthless management of Russia by its new communist rulers, had led to unfathomable human suffering.

-Lenin and Bolshevik rule dealt with the sailor’s rebellion by killing their leaders and their families and followers sent to concentration camps

-these sailors initially helped in the revolution and Lenin brutally took them out so all dissent would die

1921:

-the Bolshevik-rounded up last of the peasant rebels 

New economic policy: 

-reintroduction of markets

-brought back private enterprise

-buying and selling of grain

-small return to retail manufacturing, etc…

Government retained the power over commanding heights of the economy: -manufacturing, heavy industry, transport, finance, international trade, allowances made for individual ownership,

-capitalists started businesses in this new economic policy 

-communists didn’t know how to run a business or run an economy so hired capitalists to teach the communists to be businessmen

Irony:

- leading nations of the west were largely responsible for the survival of the communist system in Russia 

-reaction of the Bolshevik rule by part of the west was to help but consequences not good

-by being saved by western intervention there was no consequences of the Bolsheviks who had caused so my damage and economic collapse 

-western intervention: to fundamentally not help the armies who were trying to defeat the Bolsheviks, and in some cases undermining them

-the English recognized the soviet union by providing loans 

-America provided free food with good intentions to free people from suffering 

-ironically, they helped aid the regime to survive and continue to rule

-hired Herbert Hoover: American relief administration

-he was there to help alleviate mass starvation, 

-Lenin never had a clear vision of how an economy should run

-Stalin came in 1928 to deal with the economy 

***1 dysfunctionalities of the communist regime created by Lenin was there was never a systematic process for transfer of power

-Lenin died with no plan for succession

***this meant the next leader had to consolidate power by brutal force that would define  the Soviet Union into WWII and then Cold War

That leader entered: Stalin